In the news we hear about so many children that are hurt by their parents. The incident of the toddler that was stuffed in a suitcase and hidden in the local waterway really made me angry. As it would anyone. Then it seemed the news that I read was littered with stories of parents that have killed their children. People who don't deserve the chance to bring these beautiful spirits into the world. I know that sounds very selfish and judgemental of me to say.
I am really getting frustrated. And it's probably got alot to do with my age too. So take that into consideration .. heh.
I usually keep these things very private, and maybe I should continue to do so ! eh .. But I'd like to know when it will be my chance. Seems that everyone else in the world has managed to find some sort of way to have a relationship that enables them to have offspring. Actually seems like everyone else has found a way to have a relationship, period - whether that relationship has been a failure or a success !
People at church and outside of church look at me like I have the plague. Personally sometimes I look at myself the same way ! Most of us who are members know what it's like to be in the church and be my age and not have had one decent relationship, not at least be married by now and most importantly not having any kids. Believe me those of you who may think that it doesn't ever cross my mind - you're freakin idiots. A friend told me that people outside of the church are not as concerned about these things. Guess what, they are.
Anyways it just makes me crazy mad when I see how some children are treated in this world of ours. And makes me frustrated that I have not / and probably will not be given the opportunity to show how much I am wanting to love and nurture my own.
PS. Don't get me wrong I love seeing my siblings own families grow and prosper, just as I love seeing my friends do the same. You are all awesome and those of you with children are so blessed and fortunate to have these spirits in your guardianship. Continue to treat them as the treasures they are.
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2 comments:
Trudy, I know it's kinda late to be commenting now, but I just don't get online like I used to. I want you to know that you're not alone and this post didn't fall on (deaf) eyes.
I have no idea how old you are, but I think I can empathize with your plight a little. I was the last sibling to get married in my family and I didn't even get married that late (28 years old). But when I was single and we all got together at my folks' house for the holidays, it was like I was damaged goods that everyone handled very carefully. People in my parents' ward never asked me why I wasn't married, but they asked the rest of my family. I was always the excuse for why we couldn't exchange family names for Christmas (it wouldn't be fair for me to get stuck buying for my brother, his wife, and their three kids). I felt like it was my fault that family pictures didn't turn out, that we had to get an odd number of tickets to wherever we were going, that family vacations didn't turn out as planned because we had to get an extra hotel room 'just for Paige'...
Etc, etc, etc.
Oh, I got so sick of it. Being the odd man out really sucked. My family didn't try to make me feel bad, but I did anyway. And it was frustrating. It was frustrating because I couldn't get a good relationship to last and in the meantime my younger sister got married twice! Both my younger sisters are popping kids out like crazy, and I feel like I'll be lucky to get two before the risks are too great.
But it finally happened for me, and I wouldn't trade Josh for any of those boys that didn't jive with me the way I needed them to. And frankly, I wonder at times if I appreciate my pregnancy more than my sisters do, considering where I've been and how long it's taken me to get here.
So just continue to be patient (like that's what you want to do!) and know that when your time comes, it will be perfect, and you'll be that much more grateful for it.
Thankyou for your comments and understanding, you're absolutely beautiful. I really do appreciate it.
I guess just seeing these horrid news items of these angels being battered and broken, made me especially frustrated, knowing I would have a loving home ready for them here ... if that makes sense ..
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