$37.90 and worth every cent.

Today at work I was happily preparing payments and noticed that one reconciliation was not working. I saw in a column that we had been charged "Liquidation Damages" : the expenses related to a Cab Fare Company .. So I naturally assumed the extra amount in this column $37.90 applied to someone getting sick in a taxi - liquidation damages . right ?

Wrong.

Phone call went something like this:

Part 1.
Hi there, I just noticed we have a fee of $37.90 on our account is that because someone has got sick in a cab and it needed cleaning?

No, it is a late payment fee, you paid your invoice from 2 months ago, late.

OH ? we did ? Actually I recall the bill for that period, it didn't get posted, so I called for a copy. As soon as it was sent I processed the payment. We won't be paying the $37.90.

You have to pay the $37.90 it's in the bill.

No I don't and it will be on our bill for eternity as I won't be paying it.

Well we will just send it on the next bill.

Well you can do that, but we won't be paying it.

You have to pay it.

No I don't, I think its atrocious that you are charging us this. You can see that we are regular payers and never pay late. Obviously there was some hold up in the bill, which I had to personally chase a copy of, so therefore we will not be paying the late fee. Of which by my records it was not paid late.

Well on my computer it says that you have that fee to pay. The $37.90 is generated automatically for our time in processing your late payment.

Okay so you can charge me that fee, so far it has cost me $40 because of this phone call and the time it took for me to chase that original invoice for payment. I'll send you an invoice in teh mail and you can pay it.

NO I won't be paying that bill.

Why not ? It will be on my computer.

You can't do that.

OH ? I can't ? so can I speak to your superviser ?

No I don't have one, I am it.

You are in charge?

Yes, you can only talk to me.

OH okay, well we won't be paying the $37.90 okay .. good day

Part 2.
(I decided to call back the said company, the receptionist answered)

Hi, I just called, I need to speak to whoever is in charge of invoicing, and not the man who I just spoke too.

A man ? Heather is in charge, I will put you straight through!

Thankyou that would be great
Hi Heather I have a problem with a late charge on our latest invoice, Can you help ?

OH, let me have a look. Oh yes there is a late fee there. $37.90

Yes, we won't be paying it.

You have to.

No I don't, and you can't hold us to ransom. Unless you are goign to close out account of which we pay up to $10,000 a month, because of $37.90, are you?

But it shows on my computer, you need to pay it. I can't adjust it.

Well I'm sorry but I am a real person and I don't particularly care what your computer says, in the real world, we got the invoice late and paid it as soon as it was given to us.

Oh, well noone made a mark on it that they had to send you a copy, did you get the name of the person who sent it.

NO as that was several months ago.

Oh, well if I had their name I could probably adjust the charge out.

So you can adjust it ?

No, unless I have notes on the screen.

Oh so you can ajust it then ?

Yes,

So adjust it th anks, you can see we never pay late, and so obviously there was something wrong.

Sorry, I can't do that. Besides Anne the supervisor looks after your account.

OH, well can I talk to Anne.

No, she's on teh phone.

No problems I will wait.

Oh, Okay (Heather puts me on hold)

Part 3.
(my favourite part!)
somehow accidentally Heather takes me off hold and doesn't realise it.

Anne some $%$#%@%$ is on the line and doesn't want to pay the $37.90 late fee of their account.

(I cough and say, hello hello, noone answers, so I keep listening)

OH okay Heather, whats the account? I'll look at it.

It's this account the !#@$$% won't pay the $37.90.

oh, well Heather they regularly pay on time, there must have been a problem.

That's what this lady on the phone keeps saying.

Oh, well just take the $37.90 off the account Heather. No problems.

Okay anne, anything to shut the @##$$#%@# up.

Part 4.

Hi this is Heather again.

Yes, Heather.

Anne has authorised me to take the $37.90 off your account.

I know, I heard every word you said.

Oh.

Click.


My office was in hysterics !