Was talking with a friend tonight.
I'm not a man hater, oh no no no .. I love men .. men ..
We were talking about the apparent dilemma single sisters are faced with in the church, specifically single sisters in their 30's, specifically single sisters in their 30's who have do not have children and who have never been married. It appears to us anyways that those in this bracket are the ones left behind. By being left behind I mean the ones that there seems no hope. The ones that people will look at with a look of pity. You can hear the people whisper "I don't understand she's so nice ... "
I myself maintain that there is a man shortage, on this side of the planet anyways. And when I say there is a man shortage, I mean a shortage of able bodied, righteous, or wanting to be righteous single men in the 30's age bracket. Notice I said there is a shortage - which means there are men there who do fit the bill, but for every man who fits the bill there are probably 10 women who want to be the "bill". A few weeks ago I went on a single adult boat cruise. There were men on that boat yes, but exclude the men over 50 and that left about 5 men, out of the group of 5 one was an 'ex' which left 4, out of the 4 that were left (excluding those men with personal ex wife issues) there was 1 ... seriously 1 .. the boat was listing to one side the whole night as the women tried to vie for his attention ... and I bet you think I am joking, about the boat listing.
Anyways because the men have a monopoly on numbers, a quick observation seems to show the type of women they go for. My intention is not to be critical of other women either, it's just an observation. But it seems that single mums, seem to be more attractive to the men in 'our' age group. I call it the superman vs louis lane syndrome. Let me try to explain. Single women in their 30's who have never been married and do not have kids, are pretty established with themselves and who they are. They have had to fend for themselves and can do things like mow the lawn, change the oil in the car, take the garbage out, etc etc .. they have become quite durable at fending for themselves, and so men feel useless around them, they are unsure what their place is to be in this world, they have no scope to show off their superman outfits to come to the womans aid. Single mums on the other hand have a certain air about them that cries for help. I am being very general here as I know there are plenty of single mums who can fend for themselves too. But from the point of view of a male, a single mother is a great opportunity for him to put on his superman cape and undies and fly into her life to be a superhero. It's quite a dilemma, so much so that one feels the need to become Angelina Jolie and adopt a child for the sake of finding a date. I'm only half joking, I would love to get a date and I would love to have a child. But would rather have the child after dating and marriage, then getting a child first ... errr .. yeah .. duh.
Anyways I found it interesting that this conversation I was having with my friend, was very similar to one I had at work with work buddies. I suddenly realised that it is not a church wide problem, but a worldwide problem, whether mormon or not. One of my work buddies who is my age, has lamented that she can't find a decent guy to go on a date with. I suddenly became aware that if you don't go to a pub (the national pasttime), where are you meant to find a fella ?? She's a really really nice girl, owns a home, a car, has a great job. Yet can't find a fella to take her out. I asked her what criteria her ideal male would be.
a. a job, any job as long as he works, doesn't have to be a career, just a job - a good work ethic
b. no personal baggage
c. brown hair, brown gorgeous eyes, over 5'8 - doesn't spend time looking in the mirror preening oneself.
d. independent (meaning does not live at home with mum who irons clothes, makes bed, does washing, you get the idea)
That was pretty much it. Why is that too hard to find ?
PS I really really really do like men .. :-)
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5 comments:
Pretty much sounds like the problem on this side of the world too in the church.
2 thoughts - 1)Finding someone without personal baggage is not only impossible, but unrealistic. We all, ALL, A.L.L have personal baggage, we have married baggage, dating baggage, childhood baggage, high school baggage etc etc... but that isn't necessarily a bad thing - baggage teaches you to pack well! :o) I personally think it's not realistic to look for people without baggage, because the look-er is no less baggy than the look-ee - BUT look for the person who's baggage can work with yours, so you can have complimentary baggage issues that one other strengthens in the other, makes for a much more harmonious journey.
Next thing - As a single mother I can't say I ever experienced my life being the object of desire of any man, but then I fell into the way too independent category. I believe that it is not the fact that these woman have children that makes them attractive to the men, but the fact that they know how to mother. And I believe, every man whether he admits to it or not wants to be mothered and pampered and looked after like his momma did, but with the added bonus of sex.
My two cents worth....sorry for the drought, it took me along time to find my prince too.
[i]And I believe, every man whether he admits to it or not wants to be mothered and pampered and looked after like his momma did, but with the added bonus of sex.
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good point there Abi. And I'm sorry if I didn't make myself clear, I admire single mums and the battles and survival skills they require not only for themselves but also for their children.
I think those of us who have been single our whole lives and not had the need to nurture anyone (such as spouse or child) - are left on the back foot. Only because we do not have the 'life' experience of showing that we have that ability.
Tis a wicked circle.
I don't know if I'm even looking for a prince charming. I don't think I would hold anyone to that high standard. Yet if and when I do find someone that I can live the eternities with, I will treat him like a prince and would want him to treat me like a princess.
I remember a conversation once, where we discussed that people become what we treat them. If we treat our children with distrust, they will become untrustworthy. The same with our spouses, if we treat them as royalty, they will become royalty.
I fancy you.
You're such a nice girl, I have no idea why you're still single. ;)
On the other hand, I may be biased but I think there's probably a higher percentage of single women who fall into the independant category than single ones. Not only do they have to be independant to care for themselves but also their children. Perhaps men don't see it that way. Men or you. ;) xo
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